Jealousy Ain't Cute, Boo
Jealousy Ain't Cute, Boo
By Andrea Matthews
It is safe to say we have all felt jealous of another person at some time in our lives. This feeling can pop up because of anything, and it doesn’t discriminate - we can be jealous of anyone. Maybe someone got a car for Christmas, got accepted into their dream college or got noticed by the hottest guy in school. We can be jealous of people who are famous, people who work with us, and even our closest friends.
This emotion is very damaging, very powerful. Jealousy can cause us to lose friendships and develop an unhealthy view of ourselves in the process. The worst part is, sometimes we don’t even realize how jealous we were in the first place.
#HonestyHour: I struggled with this crazy green-eyed monster a few times, and trust me, it is not fun. It builds behaviors that can be hard to break. I’m sharing three of those behaviors with you and some tips on how to get rid of them, so we can nip this thing in the bud and celebrate wins together!
1. MINIMIZE OTHERS’ ACCOMPLISHMENTS
I have a friend who I am extremely proud of. He started his own business and I find every way I can to support him. He recently published his first book, and that’s when I noticed my attitude changing. I started devaluing that incredible accomplishment. I would think, “his mom is an author, so he was just born into that ability”, “he grew up with so many privileges and opportunities”, “he doesn’t have real responsibilities, so he has enough time to write a whole book”.
These are horrible things to think about someone I call a friend, but here’s the thing: it wasn’t about him at all. I minimized his success in order to make excuses for my own failure.
My biggest dream is to become an author and write all kinds of books. Nobody in my family has ever even thought of writing an essay let alone a book. I don’t come from privilege or opportunity, and as a young mom, I have a lot of responsibilities. But that doesn’t limit me from accomplishing my dreams. So I started celebrating with him, promoting his book any chance I got, even though I wanted that accomplishment for myself so bad. And for the first time in my life, I put pen to paper and started writing.
2. AVOIDING OTHERS
I used to work for a television news station. I wanted to be a reporter, and eventually host my own talk show. When I had my daughter, I quit my job to stay home with her. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life.
During the first few months after she was born, a friend of mine would always talk about her job. We were in the same major and our career goals were similar, but she was working and I wasn’t. I would see her post videos of how well she was doing and how she was meeting influential people. Instead of rejoicing with her, I would scroll pass her posts or avoid her calls.
Not seeing her didn’t help. Plus, I still felt bad about my situation and I didn’t have a friend to confide in.
3. CLINGING TO OTHERS
My sister and I are best friends. We did everything together until I moved to college. I made friends easily, but so did she. She was in her senior year, doing all the best parts of her life without me. I found myself calling more than usual and getting annoyed when she was with her crew when I wanted to talk. I was jealous of her friends and all the time they got to spend with her. I wasn’t there anymore and I had to accept that.
Although we’re sisters, we both have our own lives to live.
Acknowledging that jealousy is something you struggle with isn’t easy, but it is the most important step in kicking it out of your life. Soon and very soon, you will be so secure in what you have that throwing a party for the success of others will be the only thing on your mind.
Keep up with Andrea on Instagram, @andreaspaige